Well.  Grampa had a stroke.  Then while in the hospital, he went into cardiac arrest.  Nice Aunt thinks Evil Aunt is trying to kill him.  Grampa isn’t dead, he’s stable…but Evil Aunt is already “claiming” everything she wants.  She has dibs on his truck, by the way.  So terrible.  Anyways, they ran tests on Grampa and found valium in his system, but he doesn’t take valium.  And Nice Aunt found ant poison in his house, but he doesn’t need it and she didn’t buy it for him (he helps him out…Evil Aunt doesn’t do anything but try to get money from him…).  It’s so heartbreaking.  My mom is so upset…today is Father’s Day.  And her daddy is very sick in the hospital. 

And I’m super upset about shallow things.  I mean, I look like hell.  I’m working my ass off in the gym and stuff to burn calories, but I keep gaining weight.  I haven’t been eating too terribly, and I’m burning about 500 cals per day anyways…so I don’t get it.  Ugh.  My legs are SO HUGE.  All my clothes are too tight.  I seriously don’t have ANYTHING to wear.  No jeans that fit.  No shorts that fit.  Nothing.  What the hell?!  I was in a size 4 less than a month ago, and now all of a sudden I have to squeeze myself into an 8.  WHY?!  And I peed on a stick, I’m not pregnant.  So that’s out.  I just want to give up.  But then my husband will be repulsed by me. 

By the way…the other day I was looking for my shoes that I had just put by the door to wear…he said he put them in the closet because “Somebody has to clean…”  That broke my heart.  Seriously, it felt like someone took a knife and cut my heart in half.  He never says stuff like that to me.  And then yesterday, I said “Honey, I’m sorry I’m not skinny and cute” he said, “You are cute honey”.  *sigh*  So that’s confirmation that he thinks I’m a fatass.

Tomorrow begins my diet of sugar free energy drinks, diet pills and depression meds.  I gotta get skinny again.